Differentiation of Self Archives - Center for Family ConsultationCenter for Family Consultation

Thoughts for Thanksgiving 2024

Post Date November 27, 2024

Comments 15 Comments

Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Acute Anxiety, Bowen Family Systems Theory, Chronic Anxiety, Differentiation of Self, Emotional Cut-Off, Emotional Fusion, Terri C. Pilarski

Thanksgiving may be the one holiday that everyone can celebrate. It is an invitation to be grateful for all of life’s blessings. Well, everyone except Indigenous peoples who may prefer not to, all things considered. When I lived in Dearborn, Michigan, Thanksgiving was a big deal. It was common for the interfaith community to hold an interfaith worship service on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. We would all gather in one of the various houses of worship, a church or a mosque, and worship in English and Arabic, with Christian texts and readings from the Quran. And some time in that week, usually Sunday night, we would all share a big holiday meal of giving thanks. The events were spirit-filled, honing our sense of gratitude for the rich diversity of our community life. They were also a lot of work. Any time a group of people holding different values and beliefs gathers for a shared event there are challenges and also moments of joy.

Becoming a Family of Four

Post Date October 30, 2024

Comments 43 Comments

Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Caitlin Baldauff, Differentiation of Self, Family Emotional Process, Family of Origin

This June I gave birth to my second child, Jacob. My oldest, Corbin, is three years old. Brian and I anticipated a season full of stress, “big feelings” and regression as we adjusted to a new family norm. We forecasted challenges and made adjustments intended to prepare Corbin for the addition to our family. I reflected on my emotional responses from having our first to prepare myself. We are three months in, and it has been a whirlwind of experiences.

Societal Emotional Process and Cutoff in the Family

Post Date August 14, 2024

Comments 1 Comment

Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Alana C. Smith, Bowen Family Systems Theory, Emotional Cut-Off, Family Emotional Process, Societal Emotional Process

Seeing a person in the context of their nuclear and multigenerational family illuminates predicable patterns of thinking, feeling and relating that is the crux of Bowen Family Systems theory. Bowen Family Systems theory elucidates the immeasurable power of thinking systems in the evaluation of symptoms an individual is experiencing. Dr. Bowen began to see in the early 1970’s that thinking systems was not only applicable to the lives of families, but was also relevant in application to society as a whole.

Cut-Off and the Role of a Bowen Coach

Post Date June 11, 2024

Comments 1 Comment

Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Cecilia Guzman, Chronic Anxiety, Differentiation of Self, Emotional Cut-Off, Emotional Fusion, Family Emotional Process

Bowen Family Systems Theory, developed by Dr. Murray Bowen in the mid-20th century, revolutionized the understanding of human behavior within the context of familial relationships. One of the key concepts within this theory is “emotional cut-off,” a phenomenon that describes how individuals manage unresolved emotional issues with family members by reducing or completely cutting off emotional contact. This blog delves into the concept of emotional cut-off, its implications, underlying mechanisms, and its impact on individuals and family dynamics.

Why I spent Christmas 2023 in the Mayo Clinic Hospital

Post Date January 31, 2024

Comments 7 Comments

Author Sydney Reed

Category Acute Anxiety, Annual Conferences, Death & Chronic Illness, Emotional Triangles, Family Emotional Process, Sydney K. Reed, Systems Theory of Cancer

Due to the amputation of my husband’s foot, we spent Christmas this past year in the Mayo Clinic hospital. This is the twelfth year of a long story. David has had a pain in his left foot when he walked on it for the last 12 years. Medical opinion assumed the problem was neurological. He was referred to countless doctors who referred him for x-rays, CT and MRI scans. No one could find anything to explain the pain. One pain clinic installed a nerve stimulator in his back that was controlled by a technician at Abbot Labs who determined the dosage and the frequency of the nerve jolts. It didn’t work!

Integration of Research in Practice: Reflections on the CFC Fall Conference

Post Date October 7, 2023

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Author Stephanie Ferrera

Category Annual Conferences, Annual Fall Conference, Events, Family Sysytems Theory Research, Stephanie Ferrera

What does the word “research” bring to mind for you? Images of scientists in lab coats, doing things with test tubes? Creating experiments with control groups? Data mapped on charts and graphs? That dreaded required course in college? A formidable enterprise to be sure.

For those who attended the CFC Fall Conference, “Integration of Research in Practice,” the word, “research” took on a larger meaning. Four Bowen theory researchers presented their studies, each illustrating a different and creative approach.

The Emotional Side of Socioeconomic Status: A review of the CFC Summer Conference with Dr. Laurie Lassiter

Post Date August 1, 2023

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Author Stephanie Ferrera

Category Annual Conferences, Events, Stephanie Ferrera

“The Emotional Side of Socioeconomic Status” was the title of Dr. Laurie Lassiter’s presentation at the Center for Family Consultation’s annual summer conference on July 14. It is also the title of an article by Lassiter published in a recent issue of the journal, Family Systems. Dr. Lassiter has reviewed a wide range of research to help us understand how social status impacts our health, relationships, and quality of life. As a scholar of Bowen theory, she brings knowledge of emotional systems and differentiation of self to her study of social status. Drawing from both her conference presentation and her article, I have chosen the following highlights.

Multi-generational Transmission Process

Post Date June 7, 2023

Comments 0 Comments

Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Alana C. Smith, Bowen Family Systems Theory, Family Emotional Process

Dr. Murray Bowen’s research on the science of family interactions observed that humans have a non-genetic heritability as well as a genetic heritability in regards to their personhood; mentally, emotionally, and relationally. This is to say that over a human’s lifespan there is a process of evolution and adaptation transpiring, as opposed to merely a predestined and limitedly determined existence (stasis). Dr. Bowen’s research established conceptually a parallel theory to biology’s concepts of heritability (genetics) and epigenetics in his description of the multigenerational transmission process. This process encapsulates many of the core tenants of Bowen’s research and clinical observations. The multigenerational transmission process describes the reality that as humans in family systems we are reflexively (automatically and unconsciously) feeling, emulating, and responding with each other. There is an inherited nature to our personhood and ways of being that is passed down through the generations in our families. Bowen highlighted that the multigenerational transmission process involves first, the emotional system, which is felt and experienced, and then the relationship system wherein it is expressed.

Learning to “Think Systems”

Post Date April 9, 2023

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Differentiation of Self, Post Graduate Training, Robin Shultz

“We continuously admonish ourselves for what we do or do not do and continually implore each other to be different. There appears to be an infinite supply of people available to tell us the “right” way to think and the “right” way to act. The vast majority of the admonitions and directives that swirl around us are hopelessly entangled in subjectivity. Depending on the phenomenon under consideration, we blame some thing, some person, some group, some whatever for its presence. We blame genes, chemicals, parents, schools, a variety of “bad” influences, and certain politicians for what goes wrong. Probably the most important subjectivity determined block to observing human behavior has been the earlier described difficulty in seeing the part oneself plays in the functioning of others. Our conceptualizations of human behavior have consistently deemphasized the process between people and focused on the process within people”.

Differences That Make a Difference: Defining Self in an Intercultural Context

Post Date December 7, 2022

Comments 22 Comments

Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Terri C. Pilarski

In 2018 and I embarked on a journey of study on intercultural competency, anticipating that Bowen Theory would play a role in this study. The hope was that I, as the Rector, would be able to lead my English-speaking Episcopal congregation, comprised primarily of white people of European descent, into forming an effective partnership with an Arabic speaking congregation of people from Lebanon, Egypt, and Palestine, with whom we were going to share a building. What developed from the study informed my hypothesis that congregational anxiety can be lowered when the congregation establishes its sense of purpose, it’s mission. In particular I have been exploring how commitment to a clearly stated mission of the congregation can function in the emotional process of a congregation in much the same way as a person who defines “one’s-self” functions in a family.

Reactivity Paused: Took a Breath and a Stand

Post Date October 10, 2022

Comments 0 Comments

Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Post Graduate Training, Scott Hoecker

My understanding of differentiation of self after listening to Murray Bowen and reading the materials is that each person emerges from the multi-generational family organism with a certain amount of undifferentiation (or fusion) that needs to be handled using various mechanisms such as distance, conflict, over/under-functioning, and/or projection to the next generation. The more self that one has, the less intense these mechanisms will appear given a certain level of anxiety. With that same level of anxiety, a person with less self than the previous person, the mechanisms will be more intense.

Collective Intelligence and Differentiation of Self

Post Date July 29, 2022

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Author Stephanie Ferrera

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Chronic Anxiety, Differentiation of Self, Stephanie Ferrera

Why do humans dominate the planet? Not, as often assumed, because of individual intelligence according to science writer, Matt Ridley. Not because we have big brains. Having smarter, cleverer people is not what makes societies work better. He proposes that

“Human achievement is entirely a networking phenomenon. It is by putting brains together through the division of labor — through trade and specialization — that human society stumbled upon a way to raise the living standards, carrying capacity, technological virtuosity and knowledge base of the species. …Human achievement is based on collective intelligence–the nodes in the human neural network are people themselves. By each doing one thing and getting good at it, then sharing and combining the results through exchange, people become capable of doing things they do not even understand.”

Reflections on the 3rd International Conference on Bowen Family Systems Theory

Post Date June 23, 2022

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category 3rd International Conference on Bowen Family Systems Theory, Bowen Family Systems Theory, Differentiation of Self, John Bell

The Lapland of northern Sweden proved to be an idyllic location for the 3rd International Conference. Like the waters, reindeer and midnight sun intrinsic to the land, observations of differentiation of self were integral to the many excellent presentations I attended.

Learning Bowen Theory

Post Date April 29, 2022

Comments 1 Comment

Author Stephanie Ferrera

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Family of Origin, Stephanie Ferrera

My first acquaintance with the thinking of Murray Bowen was through reading “On the Differentiation of Self,” the paper in which Dr. Bowen presents his theory and describes how it guided his effort toward differentiation of self in his own family. In my first couple of readings, I understood little of the theory or what Dr. Bowen was doing on those visits home, but I heard him clearly on the results. His family became calmer and more flexible. Personal communication opened up. Seriousness gave way to humor.

The Survival and Adaptation of the African American Family Mignonette Nunn Keller, PhD Summary of Dr. Keller’s presentation at the CFC Summer Conference in 2021

Post Date October 27, 2021

Comments 0 Comments

Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Differentiation of Self, Don Targonski

“How does a slave develop a self in an oppressive dehumanizing system forcing him into a no-self position?” a question posed by Murray Bowen, MD was addressed in the conference “The Survival and Adaptation of the African American Family”, a presentation by Mignonette Nunn Keller, PhD. at the Center for Family Consultation, July 23, 2021. Bowen’s conceptualization of chronic anxiety and “differentiation of self” traced the early years of Aaron Guice, his family experiences with two slave owners, and his relationships with his second owner’s family. Aaron Guice was sold at approximately age 14 to his second owner. He was able to exercise principled oriented decisions in delaying marriage and children, being able to accept both his black and white heritage and continuing to have positive relationships with both black and white family members. From this writer’s perspective, some positive external experiences and his being a free spirit and having some distance from the emotional system he grew in enabled him to develop sufficient “self” to withstand the stresses and losses he experienced growing up.

Process, Process, Process

Post Date October 14, 2021

Comments 0 Comments

Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Differentiation of Self, Family Emotional Process, Kelly Matthews-Pluta

You may be familiar with the old saying about the three most important things in real estate: Location, location, location. This means there is one most important thing in every aspect of our lives. In Bowen theory, the cornerstone concept of differentiation of self holds that pivotal position. To deeply know oneself and work toward a more separate yet connected self is the key. Being focused on the act of becoming more differentiated requires thinking about process. How do you see yourself and your reactivity more clearly and objectively? And then, how do you work to respond differently when you observe high reactivity?

Anxiety, Stress and Triangles: Pressurized Human Relationship

Post Date November 18, 2020

Comments 7 Comments

Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Chronic Anxiety, Differentiation of Self, Don Targonski, Emotional Triangles, Family Emotional Process

Dan Papero’s review of the fundamentals, such as the automatic and instinctual reactions within the emotional system, the preferential sensitivity among the family members, and the constant flow and counter flow of emotions within the system was helpful in understanding triangles. How the forces of togetherness and individuation are always in play, how anxiety increases the pressure towards togetherness and how too much closeness results in distancing. The mechanisms of distancing include conflict, overfunctioning/underfunctioning and projection. They are utilized to control the emotional flow and maintain regulation. Triangles operate to maintain equilibrium. The example of the spinning top continuing to adjust the balance of the threesome in the triangle was helpful.

The Caste System and The Emotional System

Post Date November 11, 2020

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Author Stephanie Ferrera

Category Book Review, Bowen Family Systems Theory, Chronic Anxiety, Societal Emotional Process, Societal Regression, Stephanie Ferrera

Isabel Wilkerson’s Caste: The origins of our discontents, is a hard book. Her words confront us with a hard truth about human behavior: that humans are capable of imposing extreme cruelty and suffering on other humans and have done so at many points in history. With brilliant writing and thorough research on three caste systems–American slavery and its aftermath, Nazi Germany, and the millennia-long caste system of India–she traces the forces that drive human behavior to destructive extremes.

The Use of Force: Law Enforcement as a Reflection of Society

Post Date June 23, 2020

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Author Stephanie Ferrera

Category Chronic Anxiety, Differentiation of Self, Societal Emotional Process, Stephanie Ferrera

The use of physical force is an instinctual response to a real or perceived threat. In a moment of fear, who has not found themselves raising a voice, or raising an arm, or seeking a way to constrain the other and protect self? The use of force to bring conflict under control should be a last resort and applied judiciously, yet with rising emotional intensity, it easily becomes the first resort, setting in motion an escalation of conflict.

Bowen Theory Conferences Adapt to Pandemic Conditions

Post Date May 4, 2020

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Author Stephanie Ferrera

Category Annual Conferences, Bowen Family Systems Theory, Climate Change, Environmental Crisis, Stephanie Ferrera

For all of its tragic impacts on humanity, the coronavirus pandemic is presenting us with an opportunity and impetus to take time out for serious thinking. Since the time of social distancing began several weeks ago, two important Bowen theory network events have taken place: the annual Spring Conference of the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family (April 3-4) and the 37th Midwest Symposium of the Center for Family Consultation (May 1). Both were originally planned as onsite conferences but converted to online. In so doing, the conferences became very different experiences for all involved–planners, presenters, and audience members—and much was learned in the process. This essay offers thoughts on what was learned, particularly in the area of human behavior and human response to threat.