Family Emotional Process Archives - Center for Family ConsultationCenter for Family Consultation

Why I spent Christmas 2023 in the Mayo Clinic Hospital

Post Date January 31, 2024

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Author Sydney Reed

Category Acute Anxiety, Annual Conferences, Death & Chronic Illness, Emotional Triangles, Family Emotional Process, Sydney K. Reed, Systems Theory of Cancer

Due to the amputation of my husband’s foot, we spent Christmas this past year in the Mayo Clinic hospital. This is the twelfth year of a long story. David has had a pain in his left foot when he walked on it for the last 12 years. Medical opinion assumed the problem was neurological. He was referred to countless doctors who referred him for x-rays, CT and MRI scans. No one could find anything to explain the pain. One pain clinic installed a nerve stimulator in his back that was controlled by a technician at Abbot Labs who determined the dosage and the frequency of the nerve jolts. It didn’t work!

Multi-generational Transmission Process

Post Date June 7, 2023

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Alana C. Smith, Bowen Family Systems Theory, Family Emotional Process

Dr. Murray Bowen’s research on the science of family interactions observed that humans have a non-genetic heritability as well as a genetic heritability in regards to their personhood; mentally, emotionally, and relationally. This is to say that over a human’s lifespan there is a process of evolution and adaptation transpiring, as opposed to merely a predestined and limitedly determined existence (stasis). Dr. Bowen’s research established conceptually a parallel theory to biology’s concepts of heritability (genetics) and epigenetics in his description of the multigenerational transmission process. This process encapsulates many of the core tenants of Bowen’s research and clinical observations. The multigenerational transmission process describes the reality that as humans in family systems we are reflexively (automatically and unconsciously) feeling, emulating, and responding with each other. There is an inherited nature to our personhood and ways of being that is passed down through the generations in our families. Bowen highlighted that the multigenerational transmission process involves first, the emotional system, which is felt and experienced, and then the relationship system wherein it is expressed.

Michael Kerr, A Review and Presentation on Leonard Mlodinow’s book, “Emotional: How Feelings Shape Our Thinking”

Post Date June 2, 2022

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Annual Conferences, Bowen Family Systems Theory, Differentiation of Self, Ethan Strauss, Family Emotional Process, Terri C. Pilarski

Dr. Kerr’s presentation at the Midwest Symposium on May 6, 2022, on Leonard Mlodinow’s book, “Emotional: How Feelings Shape Our Thinking” focused on a key component of Bowen Systems Theory: developing the capacity for self-regulation and the impact of anxiety on one’s ability to self-regulate. Mlodinow discusses the impact of anxiety on brain function writing: “an anxious state leads to pessimistic cognitive bias – when an anxious brain processes ambiguous information it tends to choose the more pessimistic among the likely interpretations.” (Chapter 4, How Emotions Guide Thought). Kerr emphasized two aspects from Mlodinow’s book: Motivation and Determination.

The Composition of the Family System and Adaptive Success

Post Date May 20, 2022

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Annual Conferences, Differentiation of Self, Ethan Strauss, Family Emotional Process, Post Graduate Training

This presentation by Dr. Dan Papero focused primarily on how concepts related to adaptive success or failure apply to the family system. Dr. Papero observes that the human family faces similar pressures to adapt to changes in the environment as all living things do. One way that helps me to think about this concept is to relate it to the functioning of ant colonies that are discussed in Chapter 12 of “The Family Emotional System”, edited by Robert J. Noone and Daniel V. Papero. The ant colonies clearly do not function as a collection of individuals working toward a common goal, but more as a single organism with each individual as more of an appendage. The human family faces similar pressures from the environment, which require a response from the system if it is going to survive and thrive.

Process, Process, Process

Post Date October 14, 2021

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Differentiation of Self, Family Emotional Process, Kelly Matthews-Pluta

You may be familiar with the old saying about the three most important things in real estate: Location, location, location. This means there is one most important thing in every aspect of our lives. In Bowen theory, the cornerstone concept of differentiation of self holds that pivotal position. To deeply know oneself and work toward a more separate yet connected self is the key. Being focused on the act of becoming more differentiated requires thinking about process. How do you see yourself and your reactivity more clearly and objectively? And then, how do you work to respond differently when you observe high reactivity?

Anxiety, Stress and Triangles: Pressurized Human Relationship

Post Date November 18, 2020

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Chronic Anxiety, Differentiation of Self, Don Targonski, Emotional Triangles, Family Emotional Process

Dan Papero’s review of the fundamentals, such as the automatic and instinctual reactions within the emotional system, the preferential sensitivity among the family members, and the constant flow and counter flow of emotions within the system was helpful in understanding triangles. How the forces of togetherness and individuation are always in play, how anxiety increases the pressure towards togetherness and how too much closeness results in distancing. The mechanisms of distancing include conflict, overfunctioning/underfunctioning and projection. They are utilized to control the emotional flow and maintain regulation. Triangles operate to maintain equilibrium. The example of the spinning top continuing to adjust the balance of the threesome in the triangle was helpful.

Unexpected Moments of Connection

Post Date January 30, 2020

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Author Leslie Fox

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Chronic Anxiety, Family Emotional Process, Family of Origin, Leslie Ann Fox

Recently a friend introduced me to a colleague of his from another state, and suggested that we meet. I asked why, and he said, “I just think you two will have an interesting conversation”. I trust this person, so when his colleague called, we agreed to get together for lunch when she was visiting family in our area. We did indeed have a rich conversation and that evening I wanted to write some of my thoughts to her. The rest of this blog post started as an email to her, but since my grandchildren (and some of my friends) tell me my emails are always way too long, I decided to turn it into a blog for “The Systems Thinker”.

“Forward” to Death and Chronic Illness in the Family: Bowen Family Systems Theory Perspectives

Post Date May 31, 2019

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Death & Chronic Illness, Family Emotional Process, Grief & Mourning, Robert J. Noone

The consideration of death, especially of one’s own mortality, has been a preoccupation of the human since the evolution of the wondrous primate brain allowed for the awareness of the future and so of one’s end. The reality of death is never far from consciousness. Along with the effort to understand life and how it came to be, the human has struggled to comprehend death and its meaning. It is a subject many seek to avoid considering and yet in one form or another it influences our daily lives.

Do We Ever Resolve “Unresolved Emotional Attachment”?

Post Date March 14, 2019

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Differentiation of Self, Family Emotional Process, Jennifer Howe, Unresolved Emotional Attachment

Bowen Family Systems Theory often seems counter-intuitive, making it sometimes difficult to grasp, and rarely self-evident. Comprehending an emotional systems perspective of families as a way of understanding engagement between people has little to do with stated intentions, and thus provides a constant challenge. I am always so impressed by certain individuals for whom the theory’s concepts immediately make sense, and who are then able to “see” relatively clearly in their lives many of the patterns Bowen described. While the concepts are theoretically clear to me, recognizing the emotional process in my own life remains frustratingly elusive.

How I Understand Suggestions Dr. Bowen Gave Me

Post Date March 10, 2019

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Author Sydney Reed

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Chronic Anxiety, Death & Chronic Illness, Differentiation of Self, Emotional Triangles, Family Emotional Process, Sydney K. Reed

On February 22, 2019, I presented some early family of origin work in my keynote address on Death and Chronic Illness at the Clinical Application of Bowen Family System Theory Conference. This blog post addresses a key question raised during the discussion that followed my presentation.

Grandparent Deaths in an Intense Extended Family Symbiosis

Post Date February 26, 2019

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Chronic Anxiety, Death & Chronic Illness, Differentiation of Self, Emotional Triangles, Family Emotional Process, Grief & Mourning, Jim Edd Jones

In the last two months or so, I have been studying symbiosis; e.g. parent-child symbiosis. Why? When I reviewed the quantitative research on families of schizophrenics, it was striking how symbiosis as a factor in development of schizophrenia has been neglected by all the quantitative researchers. It seemed odd when you consider how strongly Murray Bowen and other schizophrenia researchers of the 1950s had emphasized it. (Hill, Lidz, Mahler, Searles, Wynne, et al.).

Reflections on Bowen Theory Post-Graduate Training at Center for Family Consultation

Post Date November 14, 2018

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Emotional Triangles, Family Emotional Process, Jennifer Howe, Post Graduate Training

I thought it would be a relatively straight-forward task to describe the impact the training program has had on my life and my clinical practice, but that was foolish, considering Bowen theory requires most of us, and certainly me, to rethink much of what I had learned in my family and professional training.

Looking at Marriage: Seeing One’s Own Part

Post Date September 18, 2018

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Author Stephanie Ferrera

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Differentiation of Self, Emotional Triangles, Family Emotional Process, Stephanie Ferrera

The husband had a way of erupting emotionally that led his wife to call him “the volcano.” He pursued; she distanced; he pursued more rigorously. Her way of retreating, seemingly impervious to his needs, led him to call her “the sphinx.” At times of high stress, this pattern left this truly devoted couple in considerable distress, he feeling shut out, she feeling pressured. They found their own language—volcano, sphinx—as a step to observing their reciprocal functioning and eventually to seeing the absurdity and humor in it.

Learning To Be an Adult in a World That Loves Children

Post Date August 12, 2018

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Differentiation of Self, Family Emotional Process, Jennifer Howe

People often comment, almost in awe and incredulity, that my ex-husband and I are not only cordial and supportive co-parents, but actively share family and social gatherings together. When I mention that my ex, his wife and son came for dinner last night, I can almost predict the expression of horror, quickly disguised as awe that will come over her face. People like to believe it requires some super human power to allow our frontal cortex, rather than our archaic limbic system, to make decisions that serve the best interests of our families. The decision to nourish and foster a relationship that is the bedrock of my child’s life was a “no brainer”, albeit accompanied by some very strong physical/emotional responses.

Living in the Triangles: Learning from Our Parents Over a Lifetime

Post Date July 24, 2018

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Carrie E. Collier, Differentiation of Self, Emotional Triangles, Family Emotional Process

Movements toward resolving immature emotional attachments with one’s parents affords the opportunity to develop mature beliefs, feelings, and thoughts. An increase in differentiation of self sets the stage for seeing self in the parental triangle and moving forward to secure a more mature adult to adult relationship. Gaining more neutrality in the parental triangle positively impacts one’s differentiation of self, marital relationships, and parent-child relationships.

The Ups & Downs of Social Status

Post Date July 12, 2018

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Author Stephanie Ferrera

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Differentiation of Self, Emotional Triangles, Family Emotional Process, Stephanie Ferrera

The “self-evident truth” that “all men are created equal” is a cornerstone of American democracy, and an ideal toward which our society strives. We hold individuals to be equal under the law; we legislate equal rights for all to access opportunities and participate in society. However, despite the talk of “a level playing field,” progress toward equality has come slowly and only with concerted, organized effort.

When Process is the Outcome

Post Date July 11, 2018

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Differentiation of Self, Family Emotional Process, Kelly Matthews-Pluta

It is very difficult to make changes in our behavior without focusing on the outcome. If we exercise, we hope to be stronger, faster or more flexible. If we read a challenging book, we hope to be wiser. If we pray, we hope to find an answer. Bowen theory is not oblivious to outcomes, but using this theory in your life, the process, the work itself, is the key. Focus on process becomes an outcome, which requires time and effort to observe and think about ourselves and the world we live in. It means using increased awareness and insight to guide our actions. Leaning into process requires no, or very little, attachment to the outcome.

“Hillbilly Elegy” meets Bowen Theory

Post Date June 27, 2018

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Author Center for Family Consultation

Category Bowen Family Systems Theory, Differentiation of Self, Family Emotional Process, Jim Edd Jones

J.D. Vance, author of the memoir, Hillbilly Elegy, is, by any measure, functionally successful: a marine who served in Iraq, graduate of Ohio State, graduate of Yale Law School, and an editor on the Yale Law Journal. Yet, his nuclear family of origin and extended family are low in level of differentiation. Not the lowest, but low. Individually, he’s probably somewhat higher than the system as a whole.