Thoughts for Thanksgiving 2024

Thanksgiving may be the one holiday that everyone can celebrate. It is an invitation to be grateful for all of life’s blessings. Well, everyone except Indigenous peoples who may prefer not to, all things considered. When I lived in Dearborn, Michigan, Thanksgiving was a big deal. It was common for the interfaith community to hold an interfaith worship service on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. We would all gather in one of the various houses of worship, a church or a mosque, and worship in English and Arabic, with Christian texts and readings from the Quran. And some time in that week, usually Sunday night, we would all share a big holiday meal of giving thanks. The events were spirit-filled, honing our sense of gratitude for the rich diversity of our community life. They were also a lot of work. Any time a group of people holding different values and beliefs gathers for a shared event there are challenges and also moments of joy.

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Cut-Off and the Role of a Bowen Coach

Bowen Family Systems Theory, developed by Dr. Murray Bowen in the mid-20th century, revolutionized the understanding of human behavior within the context of familial relationships. One of the key concepts within this theory is “emotional cut-off,” a phenomenon that describes how individuals manage unresolved emotional issues with family members by reducing or completely cutting off emotional contact. This blog delves into the concept of emotional cut-off, its implications, underlying mechanisms, and its impact on individuals and family dynamics.

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Learning Bowen Theory

My first acquaintance with the thinking of Murray Bowen was through reading “On the Differentiation of Self,” the paper in which Dr. Bowen presents his theory and describes how it guided his effort toward differentiation of self in his own family. In my first couple of readings, I understood little of the theory or what Dr. Bowen was doing on those visits home, but I heard him clearly on the results. His family became calmer and more flexible. Personal communication opened up. Seriousness gave way to humor.

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Anxiety, Stress and Triangles: Pressurized Human Relationship

Dan Papero’s review of the fundamentals, such as the automatic and instinctual reactions within the emotional system, the preferential sensitivity among the family members, and the constant flow and counter flow of emotions within the system was helpful in understanding triangles.  How the forces of togetherness and individuation are always in play, how anxiety increases the pressure towards togetherness and how too much closeness results in distancing.  The mechanisms of distancing include conflict, overfunctioning/underfunctioning and projection.  They are utilized to control the emotional flow and maintain regulation. Triangles operate to maintain equilibrium.  The example of the spinning top continuing to adjust the balance of the threesome in the triangle was helpful.

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A Proposed Alternative Pathway to a Bowen Theory of the Spiritual

In preparing for the Vermont Center for Family Studies’ upcoming conference on Meditation and Family Health (also available via streaming) I skipped ahead in my journey through Dr. Michael E. Kerr’s recent book, Bowen Theory’s Secrets: Revealing the Hidden Life of Families, to his chapter on the potential 9th concept of Bowen theory, “Toward a Systems Concept of Supernatural Phenomena”.  I’ll begin with a summary of that chapter before proposing an alternative pathway to a Bowen theory of the supernatural.

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Why Make the Study of Bowen Theory a Life-long Learning Project?

Bowen theory is different from traditional theories of human behavior, and the practice that emerges from understanding and using the concepts in your personal and professional life are sometimes counter-intuitive. Michael Kerr, MD makes the important point in his most recent book, Bowen Theory’s Secrets, Revealing the Hidden Life of Families, that Bowen theory is descriptive, not prescriptive. The theory describes what people actually do, not what they should do. According to Kerr, “The theory is an attempt to move toward a science of human behavior, a theory based on verifiable functional facts about human behavior that can make predictions” (Page 166).

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Select Abstracts from the upcoming 36th Midwest Symposium on Bowen Family Systems Theory and Therapy May 3rd & 4th, 2019

During the month of April, we will be sharing the abstracts of presentations that will be given at the Midwest Symposium, May 3 and 4, at the Lakeview Center in Gilson Park in Wilmette, Il.  We continue with the abstract by Victoria Harrison.

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Do We Ever Resolve “Unresolved Emotional Attachment”?

Bowen Family Systems Theory often seems counter-intuitive, making it sometimes difficult to grasp, and rarely self-evident. Comprehending an emotional systems perspective of families as a way of understanding engagement between people has little to do with stated intentions, and thus provides a constant challenge. I am always so impressed by certain individuals for whom the theory’s concepts immediately make sense, and who are then able to “see” relatively clearly in their lives many of the patterns Bowen described. While the concepts are theoretically clear to me, recognizing the emotional process in my own life remains frustratingly elusive.

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Bowen Theory’s Secrets: Revealing the Hidden Life of Families by Michael E. Kerr, M.D. to be published February 5, 2019

For five years, 1954 to 1959, at the National Institute of Mental Health, psychiatrist Murray Bowen conducted a most unusual research project, focused on schizophrenia. Adult patients and their parents were hospitalized together for observation and treatment. The intensity of the emotional process in these families—the sensitivities, reactivity, and the profound influence of family members on one another’s functioning–came into view. Like a powerful undercurrent, this emotional system was guiding family interaction but was largely out of the awareness of the members. It is aptly called “the hidden life of families.”

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Reflections on Bowen Theory Post-Graduate Training at Center for Family Consultation

I thought it would be a relatively straight-forward task to describe the impact the training program has had on my life and my clinical practice, but that was foolish, considering Bowen theory requires most of us, and certainly me, to rethink much of what I had learned in my family and professional training.

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Therapist and Client Face Sexual Abuse Memories

The #metoo movement has brought many women’s experience of sexual harassment and abuse out into the open.

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# Church Too

Earlier this year, Bill Hybels, the founding pastor of the megachurch Willow Creek in South Barrington, IL, resigned ahead of his planned retirement. The early departure was in response to allegations of sexual misconduct. Earlier this month, it was reported that Willow Creek Church settled a separate case of sexual abuse for $3.2 million after a volunteer sexually assaulted two disabled children. And then last week, a grand jury released its findings that over 1000 children were sexually abused by over 300 priests in six Roman Catholic dioceses in Pennsylvania.

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Living in the Triangles: Learning from Our Parents Over a Lifetime

Movements toward resolving immature emotional attachments with one’s parents affords the opportunity to develop mature beliefs, feelings, and thoughts. An increase in differentiation of self sets  the stage for seeing self in the parental triangle and moving forward to secure a more mature adult to adult relationship. Gaining more neutrality in the parental triangle positively impacts one’s differentiation of self, marital relationships, and parent-child relationships.

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Blame and Blaming

Authored by Kelly Matthews-Pluta, M.S.W.

One of the central ideas of Bowen Theory is differentiation of self—a concept of how one sees oneself, emotionally, as an individual and in relationship to and with others.  Often people studying Bowen Theory struggle with the idea of separation of self and other.  Of course, it is complicated.  The two, self and other, are at the same time both separate and connected.  It is exactly that paradox which makes the concept challenging for many: “Am I a separate self or …

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